The death of a child can profoundly impact a wide circle of people, both directly and indirectly. Grief ripples through the family (parents, siblings, grandparents and extended family), social circles, and community, affecting people in different ways based on their relationship and connection with the child.
If a child has been in palliative care for days, weeks, months or years, the stresses and strains of the experience often show themselves after the child has died.
Grief responses will be unique to those who are bereaved of the child, it can affect how people think, act and feel. A range of emotions can include numbness, mental and emotional pain, anger, depression, irritability, sadness, disbelief, loneliness, and guilt. Because grief is also a very physical experience, a person may feel exhausted at times, have lower concentration and attention span, or feel aches and pains. Recognising and acknowledging grief’s impact is important and helps family members better understand each other. For more information on how grief might affect individuals see Grieving the Death of a Child resource.
The death of a child can place great stress on the family system. Caring for their other children may feel overwhelming when a parent or carer is consumed by grief. Bereaved parents or carers often worry about the impact of the death on their surviving children. It can help if a close relative or friend (acceptable to the children) takes a role in supporting the siblings as often children will try to protect their parents and hide their feelings from them. It is ok for bereaved parents and carers to acknowledge their sadness to bereaved siblings but it’s also important to reassure them that this sadness will not last forever.
Those who are bereaved need to be patient and gentle with themselves as they grieve and allow themselves to cope and grieve in a way that suits them. Grieving is a lifetime adjustment; at different times a person may find different things helpful. It can help to be open to offers of emotional and practical support from friends and family. Seeking accurate information about grief and loss can help. Some people find it helpful to access support from outside their circle of family and friends, such as speaking to someone who has experienced a similar loss to them (e.g. trained bereaved volunteer), or a professional counsellor for those who have more complex needs.
Several services in both Ireland and Northern Ireland specialise in helping parents, siblings and families grieve for a child. The support ranges from information about the grieving process, to peer support provided by a trained volunteer, to services who provide professional counselling. Below is a list of organisations that offer support services to bereaved families.
Written by the Bereavement Team, Irish Hospice Foundation and the Irish Childhood Bereavement Network
View Bereavement Services here:
